Harvey came along very unexpected. For those of you just joining us on here, we are expecting a little boy, mid-May. We got married, last May. The big "plan" was to wait a couple/few years, then start working to welcome little ones to the world.
But that's all a big joke now. Very funny.
We are thankful for how it's happened, for it has reminded us that we are not ultimately in control, and honestly, that is reassuring. No matter what your belief is beyond the physical and visible on this earth, I'm glad to know my hope lies in something way beyond me, and way beyond what this earth has to offer.
I have (and will continue to at times) controlled things in the past. And although some things seemed to work out okay, ultimately I have (and will) mess something up. I will fail. I will fail you. I will fail myself.
We are humans. That's what we do. No matter how "good" you think the human spirit inherently is; we will fail at some point.
I think it's because of that that I'm realizing the different levels of reality associated with bringing a new human to earth. One that I will be responsible for. One that will be completely dependent upon me and Sarah, for many years to come.
And we will fail him.
Simultaneously, we will love him with all of our hearts, day in and day out. But even that is not enough.
Parents are not perfect. They can't be. We will not be.
I have endless delusions of grandeur when it comes to Harvey: I won't do what I saw that parent do, I won't say what that dad said, I'll be fair, and reliable, and won't lose my temper. I'll be a good dad and always treat my son well.
But this is not reality.
I'm getting closer to the actual level of reality (the only one) with each day closer to his arrival. The time we spent at the baby/maternity consignment sale tonight sped that process up (and inspired this blog).
One thing I do know, I'm going to try with all of the might I have, combined with the love of my Savior through me and the love of my beautiful bride, to love this child, no matter what tomorrow, the next day or next year, may hold.